You might think that after being legally a husband and wife, you will be open, relaxed and comfortable to talk about sex. Incidentally, you have also kept a sex fantasy that you want to try with your partner. After all, referring to the advice of sex articles in magazines, "The key to a fantastic and satisfying sex life of a husband and wife is honest and open partner communication."
In fact, the idea of talking about what you want in bed with your partner makes the hair goose bumps first. Sex is a sensitive topic. Not infrequently many couples choose to be silent because they fear fantasy is considered strange, or just do not want to hold on to each other's feelings.
It is this mindset that is secretly the main reason why over time many couples become dissatisfied with each other, which eventually spreads to other household affairs. Doesn't sound like an ideal household, right?
Actually, the husband and wife sex chat does not need to be this meticulous. Like establishing effective communication outside the bedroom, there are several important guidelines for communicating in bed. And if you do it right, talking sex openly with your partner can really boost the quality of your sex life while also strengthening your intimacy.
This is how to discuss sex with a couple :
1. You must know first what you want to talk about
Think carefully about what you want, what is the problem (if any). For example, if the first maneuver is able to bring you orgasm, but now it is not, or if there is a change in what you like - including the frequency of sex. Because if you don't voice your opinions and / or concerns, how can he know?
But, try to be more specific about what you want to say and the string of words, so you can help your partner to better understand your needs. What you will say must show that you are trying to establish cooperation in order to improve the quality of your sex life both, not just throwing complaints to strip the lack of partners in bed. Think about what you feel if the role is reversed.
2. Don't tuck it in the bedroom
Speaking out loud about your sexual needs from the start is always the best solution. But spontaneity is in place, and talking about sex a moment or after sex is not the best time to point out mistakes or dissect the performance of a partner on a bed (unless you just want to praise it). This is the moment where we are at our lowest point. Because if you corner your partner suddenly when he is careless, you just make him angry and quickly defend yourself.
Make sure that both parties are ready to be born inward to discuss their needs, give a signal for special solicitation to have one-on-one discussions so that each has enough time to think about what they want to convey. And don't discuss it in the bedroom. The bedroom must be an intimate escape place to rest, not a place for problems.
Also, be aware that conversations about husband and wife sex can continue more than one conversation. You both don't have to complete all the topics in a discussion session. Chat about sex must be the topic of everyday conversation in the routine of a husband and wife - even if it's not something you normally talk about.
3. Ensure comfort when discussing
Before starting to discuss, make a guarantee that you feel safe and unencumbered when expressing your heart's content, for example promising not to laugh or chat with the requirement of only four eyes, without the presence of a cellphone or when the children are asleep.
Also respect differences in sexual interests. Affairs agree not to agree to certain activities, you can compromise and exchange opinions. But, never ignore or reject your partner's proposals.
4. Don't criticize
Design the theme of the conversation in such a way that the main subject is you. But, be gentle when talking by assuming that your partner also wants the best for both of you. For example, "I love you, and I want to feel more intimate with you. Not that you are wrong, but this is more about what I want. But I also need input from you. "Don't also say:" We need to talk about our bleak sex life "or" If you love me, you will want to do blablabla for me. "
Don't point and don't make assumptions. Simply explain clearly what you feel is a problem in your sex life, and ask your partner if he also realized the same thing. Once the time has come for your partner to express their heart, listen without interrupting. Let your partner share what he wants from you too. Remember, sex is a two-way path. By doing so, you will feel more supported and connected to each other.
5. Give praise when in bed
When making love, ask for feedback from your partner about the maneuver you do, whether he likes it or not. Every time you ask a question or do something different than usual, wait for your partner's reaction. You can also ask your partner to guide how / what you should do. This way you can avoid negative criticism about your actions.
If you like what your partner is doing, give praise on the spot. It's fine, praise and positive vocal reinforcement during sex are highly recommended. Praise will encourage him to be more passionate and continue what he does, which in the end will also bear sweet fruit for you. You can also tell your partner 10 things you really like about him, for example, as foreplay.
In the end, it is important to respect each other's communication and advice / guidance that is triggered by your partner. This will help build trust between you. It also trains the stability of sexual communication between you, so that the quality of your intimacy inside and outside the bedroom also increases.
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